Walking On Egg’s Shell

You are your own person, the only edition existing in this world, why let other gets to write your story?

Things your so-called loved ones will say ‘you’re fine as you’re – be yourself – you should be proud of yourself – you’re enough – you are fine just the way you’re’ then why does it has to follow with but maybe you should tone it down with new people etc. People will validate your existence, later they will present you with an actual ‘Change Yourself List’ it will entail with on how you should be behaving because you as a person is not palatable for this society, that means you won’t make friends or worst attract a partner. Later you are conditioned to believe that be yourself but only when no one is around no one should know the real you that will make you a shell of a person that can fit the normal that this society but when you’re by yourself you hate yourself for letting this society conditions you. But do these well-wisher stop for a moment and think our characters and behaviors are the product of the life we have lived.

Life is unforgiving power, they will make sure you learn how the world works which is the pure law of Karma. In the process they will teach you there is no option for a second chance, they won’t even let you apologize for your mistakes or even tell you where were you wrong or how is it disrespectful or where you could have tried to save yourself but they do give you silent and hidden warning signals which are soo faint that you just pass through it without realizing it. They just silently take notes of your life like Santa Clause list, the moment you feel you have faced all the problems in your life and finally, you’re on top of the world, then they smile and say ‘Are you having fun? Do you honestly think you’re invincible? Ok!’ and just push you to the pits of the hell. It normally follows with financial, emotional or physicals distress but when they feel your confidence turns into ego then they give you all tri-factor and 99.99% is all based on what you have put out in the world. Once they place their wrath on you, then all your past courage and faith are tested by how will you face that situations, will you Drown(just blame the world, you are an innocent victim) /Float (still can’t process what happened, ignore the issue, it will resolve by itself) / Swim (Fight mode, what I need to do to get out of it) these modes are the way we become a survivor and you enter the next part of your life.

But based on how we choose to survive and later heal from it defines the human we are becoming. We need to understand that when we look at your 15-year-old self we can not say ‘Oh! I am the same person at the age of 20’, instead you will say ‘Oh! those were the days and look at us now…hahaha ‘ there will be memories that will serve you a reminder of how you got there. This what a ‘Life cycle’ and we all go through it, based on it, we learn to cope with it. This process of getting over leads to some very prominent changes that will be visible from our core, energy and outside appearance Example:- the like / dislike changes, making new or redefining boundaries with people, may start to remove people from your life that suffocates us, learn to live with the problem, may not give value to what others deem valuable, become very choosy with whom we want to spend time with, the way you start talking, your mannerism changes with different people, the way you dress, trying to make comprises only for the right reason, trying to be as honest with yourself and the list goes on.

The sad part is everyone goes through their life cycle and still dares to tell others how they should be living their lives instead of having empathy for others. The sad fact is when you reject their list they will make you feel guilty as they were doing it from love. We all have this one life so let them be if you don’t like the way dress, talk, do things, who they choose to love, have a colourful bedroom life or even choose to do the wrong things etc just let them be. if you truly love them your job is to give them advice if they asked, just be there when they need you and be honest to yourself walk away from them, isn’t that what love should be.

Just food for thought, if you love me then why do I have to fit your criteria to be with you, I welcome your boundaries but I should be the one to decide if I want to or how much will I compromise. Respect brutally honest people because they are strong enough to live an authentic life, as they know what they want from you and what are they willing to give you. People forget society are created by people, so choose your people wisely as it may surprise your tribe was not that far off.

Lessons learned by my tribe:-

  • You don’t need to have answers for every questions you have in life. Instead of spending time trying to figure out things you can just live in the moment n enjoy it to the fullest Cos once it’s gone.
  • If you want to do something, then just do it. Don’t have to wait and see how it is going to change your life .
  • You need that 1 person to believe in you to achieve your dreams.
  • Everything new will always be hard but with enough time and effort it will get easier Or say fuck it and try something new.
  • Sometimes life push you to grow up and to your surprise you will get through it as a warrior.
  • You can ignore your problems all you want that doesn’t means it’s gone.
  • Just walk through it don’t stop! but make sure to rest up as well.
  • Not everyone is your well-wishers, so make sure to trust your instinct.
  • If you’re not hurting anyone in anyway you’re not responsible on how they interpret your actions.

YOU UGLY!

This article is dedicated to my young cousins and any teenagers who are entering adulthood.

Based on the title “You Ugly” I would make whole bullet points, I even thought about how society has mould our principles on what beauty is and are we up to its standards. Sadly, the issue with these false set standards are they’re so vague plus we base it on emotions of whom have we surround ourself with. Seriously, avoid asking anyone but especially Asian aunties (Chinese / Thai / Malay / Indian etc..) “How Do I Look?” because you know what’s coming next, their replies will be sarcastic and it will be along the line of “You look so beautiful but you know if you apply some honey on your face twice a honey all the acne will go away” or “Oh My God! This dress looks so good on your body, next time try wearing dark color it will make you look slimmer” or “You know in the market nowadays you get padded bra wear those or the boys will think you are one of them” etc… than all your confidence you had when you left your mirror turns into self doubts. So when I sat down to write this, my mind went blank all the bullet points were valid but nothing would flow. I wanted to change the topic or easily write about body image, I just couldn’t stop thinking about why I created this topic at the first place. For a week, it was like having writer block, but I am not even a writer.

After a while, I almost gave up but as I scratching it way (I am so good at giving up) that day I felt tired and exhausted getting ready to take a shower so I can meet the man of my dream in my sleep so I needed to be fresh (yes I am very single). At the end of my “bathing rituals”, I looked myself in the mirror and went “Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the most messed up one of them all” like Queen Grimhilde (evil queen in snow white), naturally, my second thought should be “LOL” and move on with what I was doing but for no particular reason I just asked “how are you feeling?” within seconds tears were coming out with no particular reason in my mind, my head was down just sobbing to take a breath I looked up saw myself in the mirror and soothed myself as a second person without realizing I said “It’s OK, you did what you thought was the best at that moment” out loud, that lead to the most liberating and self-love moment I had because I know I am my worst critic, there are invisible wounds I have given to my soul and this body over the years but they have only to keep giving me enough to that my body kept it moving and my soul made sure my conscious was clear (I am not intentionally harming anyone). So till how long can I be a brat and remove faults in myself and not take responsibilities of the decisions. Mistakes were made and as I grow, I will make more. That is why I should woman up and deal with the repercussions and forgive myself while dealing with it.So, I collected myself with no clue how long I was crying, took a shower again it felt light I lost weight (Side Note:- Just imagine if we can physically lose weight, we all cry babies just shedding kilos and the weight loss industry would be so different), my face glowing, heart filled with nothing but compassion for myself and that was the best conversation I had with myself. That night I had the most peaceful sleep in a long time, woke up with my mind clear and my heart filled with peace .

When I was around 20, an understanding was coming in about the definition of “Beautiful & Ugly” because what I found beautiful others did not like it, so they got vocal about it, manipulated (by saying why their version is correct and will be so persistent until you get tired and agree with them) and worst of all is when others gives unsolicitated advice like they’re disturbing free flyer on the side of the road, without taking my feelings into considerations. So as I grew this so called “Beauty” made me felt how ugly it was, that slowly gave me the strength to say “No, this is not what I want” which I used it for all the aspect of my life from What dress I want to wear or the career I want to work in and even to who I want to say satsriakal (greet) etc… Once you that strength kicks in, gradually you will accept all your past faults that will lead you to stop blaming circumstances or others for where you are at life. Honestly, you will sincerely appreciate the freedom of choice and learn who you truly are. After a while when you take a shower and look at yourself in the mirror you won’t say “You Ugly” anymore but “Hey Beautiful, You did well”. Trust me this will be will be your beautiful moment, do not be mistaken this is a process there will be days you will hate the person you see but those moments will slowly decrease as time goes on.

What I want you to take away from this post is self-love is vital, it creates a strong stability in yourself and is one of the most powerful form of love you can gift yourself, but unlike any form of love it will need continuous work and tolerance for yourself. My unsolicitated advice for youngsters are this is your life so live it your way and don’t listen to all the advice others give you because they have lived their life and have faced their set of challenges. You need to be an author of your own story because life will happen, you will make mistakes and you alone will face those consequences (and that’s the fact). Trust me, once you make your own decision always analyze the pros and the cons of it and you will be amazed how everything else will fall in place in due time.

General Reading

Let’s have an insight for 24-31 Aug ’20

Pile No. 1 :- You’re carrying your last week sleepless night to this week, you’re wide awake very well aware that you do not have the luxury of to just let things pass by, you can’t afford to ignore it. You might feel people are very against you or you did not accept them to be against you. 💪WHAT Doesn’t 💪Kill You 💪 Will Make 💪 UNBREAKABLE💪. I feel to let you know that at the end of this week these feelings and fights will end. You will get over it with your battle wounds but remember every scars will make you stronger and this is the lesson will help you to enter a new month with new mindset.

Pile No. 2 :- This week you have nothing but money in your mind and “👏YOU👏GO👏Get 👏The CASH👏”. This week you busy investing in your dream, you must use this time make a list to where you wanna go and what you need to save/invest as it will only be a plus. But make sure you think through your plans don’t be in a hurry concentrate and analyse your steps. This week you will be adrenaline rush and enjoy every moments but be aware of your surrounding.

Pile No. 3 :- This week is you going to be aware of what you’re actually missing and it might not be what you were expecting. It will come to you as 💨Force Of Nature💨 which will lead to accept and mourn the lost of your pride or you just can’t express properly. But this will only push you to process and work on yourself, the path will be something you do not want to take but you gotta.

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